If I Am You, I Cannot Be Me

The price of meeting other people’s expectation is a loss of self. If I am you, I cannot be me.

Being true i.e., being oneself aka authenticity requires emotional truth speaking. It takes courage. In the absence of courage, people cope with defense mechanisms using hyper vigilant behaviors such as hyper activity, control, obsession and analysis.

Obsessions and compulsions stem from the lack of a consistent harmonious sense of self. The true self hides beneath the veneer of ‘should be.’ It is disconnected from its truth because it has not been allowed to be itself.

Children are seen as extensions of their parents. Parents load expectations on their child and the child can only be loved or accepted if the expectations are met. The rebellious child will test their parents’ love by doing everything the opposite of what the parents wish for. The compliant child will meet all the expectations but feel empty inside, needing the parents in a way that can be barely be comprehended.

So, what is the road to independence? neither rebellion nor compliance works to get the love that was denied in childhood. It is too late to heal the wound of not good enough.

The true self can only be experienced. It cannot be labeled or judged. In fact it must not be labeled or judged. The true self is already moral. It recognizes itself as part of the cosmos. It feels the universe deeply.

“I am an observer of my condition. I am a true witness to how I feel. My feelings are linked to the energy that moves my body in space. My feelings are not the whole of me. My feelings are experienced by me. My thoughts are linked to the energy that moves my body in space. What people say about me is not me. What people think about me is not me. My achievements are not me. My analysis of me is not me. What I think is not me. I am an observer. In this observation I am liberated from the chains that bind me to other people’s expectations.”