“Schadenfreude is pleasure or amusement in response to the misfortunes, pain, humiliation, or mistakes of other people.”
A young man who has been in and out of drug rehab centres, who usually parties and drinks as a lifestyle choice in Pakistan, recently killed his girlfriend with a bare knife and beheaded her. This didn’t happen in some dark forests on the edge of Islamabad. It happened in a large security camera protected house in a posh area of Islamabad. In his house, apart from himself there were three other domestic workers in the house. The girl desperately fought for her life and tried to run from his room, but his loyal servants helped him take her back. We hear that domestic servants and the girls friends tried to warn the father of the man. The father turned to a drug rehab therapy centre to save the situation. By the time they came in, the girl had been murdered. Media has been in an uproar for weeks over this case. However, mainstream media is quieter than youtube. About 6 youtubers regularly make videos about every gossipy detail of the case because the murderer, his parents and the 3 domestic servants are in jail. Initially even the therapy centre staff had been jailed, one member of whom had been stabbed. My first reaction to this was shock that Pakistanis cared this much for a woman who was ostensibly in a non religiously approved relationship with a violent and mentally abnormal man. I mistook the sensationalism for genuine care for women’s bodies, freedom, health and dignity. I wrote comments with some passion. I felt some relief that finally the patriarchy of Islamic Republic of Pakistan is showing concern and care for the lives of its mothers, sisters and daughters. My eyes would fill with tears in the hope that one day I may walk free in Pakistan’s street, without fear that I will be physically, mentally and emotionally humiliated for the crime of having a woman’s body.
Could it be that the spirit of a woman may find freedom from judgement?
Soon I saw what underpinned this strong desire to talk about Noor’s killers. Envy. Delight at the shaming and humiliation of wealthy people who have many houses and a lifestyle that many in the world want, including Pakistanis.
While they accused the government, the police and other people of being intimidated by this families power and wealth and put out doubt about the killers punishment, the government, lawyers and police did everything they could to show that justice is being done. During this time many other women were killed, many harassed and raped. Many women whose fathers languish in mental prisons of regret and sorrow for letting their daughters live an independent life. In fact a woman nurse was harassed by a group of 400 men on 14th August. Since she was a small time tik tokker who was trying to promote her videos, she didn’t have the class problem that the Jaffers and Noor had, due to which she is being persecuted for being persecuted. I wonder If Noor had survived, would she be harassed by social media after the harassment by her friend/boyfriend about her relationship? of course. It was her fault, a baleful bunch of religious pundits shouted that the entire problem was due to the lack of a nikah deed. If the Nikah was done, the murder would be considered accidental death due to choking over food due to which the head rolled off while her husband was pulling the piece of food from the throat with a knife that accidentally cut the throat. Lies, lies, lies are the refuge of the weak.
I still remember that moment, when a brother looked at his sister and asked, ‘you have to tell us, is he a friend or a boyfriend?’ because his wife told him that it wasn’t okay that her sister in law has a male ‘friend.’ A single woman must remain invisible so that the patriarchy does not have to hear or see her. If it were possible all women would behead themselves and hang their head on a rod, rather than attached to a body with female curves. The shame of having a woman’s body is like a palpable cloud of thick toxic fear in public streets covered in the filth of people who stopped caring long ago.
When women die, they are noble nuns. But before death they are attention hungry whores, especially if they talk about abuse. Marriage is a sort of death, a trade, a sacrifice of a womb for the name of a family. Which is why women would jump into the funeral pyres of their husbands. They died when he married her body, now the body can die with the one who owns it.
The media reaction shows human nature at its worst. It shows how some people thrive on humiliating and hating others. People feel a sense of pleasure, a vindication of their hatred when those who are better off than themselves are found to have flaws. Even though I doubt that any of these youtubers would actually do anything to save a victim – look at how they all hate Aisha Akram, who was mob attacked in a public park and have barely defended her, even though she is just as much a victim. Her comfort in appearing in front of the camera to talk about the incident is seen as shameless attention seeking. A good and pious woman would kill herself rather than talk about her rapists.
But Noor’s case gets Millions of views. Thousands of comments and support for the punishment and harassment of the mentally abnormal murderer son of a prominent businessman. He is painted as not only a criminal but a provider of Dark Web videos for wealthy western audiences. This social media uprising on youtube is not a defense of women as one might think if one is naive, but a persecution of a particular group of people who have what others crave to have.
Mubashir Lucman’s youtube channel with nearly 2 million subscribes froths in rage over Noor’s murder. Yet smiles in pleasure at the news that Taliban have taken over Kabul. He defends the Taliban as indigenous, righteous inheritors of Afghanistan. They are sketched in as Allies of Pakistan. The facts are that the Taliban regularly violated women and children. Slitting throats isn’t a big deal for them. Their misogyny and hatred of education and change is well known. But according to Lucman’s logic, when the Taliban are violent (in the past they have tried to take over Pakistan’s frontier), that is not such a big deal. America was at fault. In fact Pakistan will stay out of Afghanistan. When they shoot Malala, it is okay, because women like her who want power of education deserve to be hated and shot. But, when Zahir Jaffer slits a throat it is terrible terrible indeed.
Curious as ever to examine the thinking behind it, I can only conclude that it is hatred against those who are perceived to be liberal, wealthy and upper class. People who speak English with that slight British accent. To say that men resent women in Pakistan is a mild statement. Men are petulant teenagers who gave up all their fun in order to do what their parents asked which was to get a job, get a wife and be parents. Their tendency to shame, harass and violate women is the way they relieve their intense resentment at having to toe the line of conservative values. But of course, it is the woman’s fault. If only women were more pleasing, pious, more understanding, more loving, more conservatively dressed and obedient. Women have to understand, they have to remain sub human plastic dolls so that men can rule without question. If the prime minister of the country could pull it off, why not everyone else?
Witnessing the gloating and the slurping on youtube is an exercise in patience. It also brings back memories of the trauma of unsafe connection. The realization that they are happy at my pain, hits a place marked ‘I cannot trust you anymore’. You witness it in a friend’s eyes. You see it in a sibling. You see it in the abuse of a parent towards their child. You see it in the eyes of a man who flirts with your friend to make you sad. You see the devil, and maybe you shudder in revulsion, unable to trust again.
Behind The Veil 