AUHRAT

Aurat is a word in Urdu that means Woman. The way the word is said, often with intense resentment, projects a male fantasy about woman. On one hand society segregates men and women in Pakistan, on the other society allows men to access women with impunity and in fact ranks male power by the ability to attract female attention. In keeping him restricted, until he becomes a provider with a job, society seeks to ensure that the man remains a provider. The more he is able to provide, society rewards him with more women, younger women, and more beautiful women. There is a marriage for the mother, and a marriage for a partner, and a mistress for self confidence. Through out, the male’s transgressions is considered the fault of women. Thus when women Aurat March activists ripped open the burqa with a slogan saying, Mera Jism Meri Marzi (my body my rights) the patriarchy’s moral core was shaken. To them it meant women wanted sex, because in their world view, women want sex and entice men. This, in a nutshell is a misogynistic patriarchy. Patriarchy is built for men to gain confidence through women and the social contract is such that women need to build male confidence in order to be considered worthy candidates for partnership. Since patriarchy also is the oldest system system, our genetic memories are full of patriarchal beliefs about our self worth.

Our core self worth is based on our ability to procreate, provide and nurture the next generation and have a family. A woman without family feels shame and fear of survival in traditional patriarchal systems, especially if she does not manage to secure male protection. Without male protection, she has less value because her wages and type of job is bound to be less than a man. Which is why women can be extremely anxious about being alone. For men, the lack of a woman isn’t quite as horrifying a prospect, because it means the freedom to pursue but not commit (and provide security and care). Which is why most women rather than men have more motivation to work on relationships. And also why women are more dissatisfied in relationships in general, with almost 80% of divorces being initiated by women.

A traditional society gives immense power to a man and she has to lower her voice, her opinion, her eyes in order to ensure that a man feels secure around her. The purpose of relationship isn’t intimacy or love. The purpose of relationship is procreation and furthering of family values and belief systems of the male. In that world view, love is an aberration. Marriage is a halal relationship (approved by God) due to which she has some power. Since the relationship is about God, it doesn’t usually have love. It has duties and everything in the relationship is about meeting an expectation. It feels like a jail sentence and many people live it their entire lives like a jail sentence. The tension between couples builds over time. Communication is all about how things should be. But society loves this kind of relationship. It deems this kind of fulminating volcano of resentment, a safe arena to raise children.

When rage-holics beat or emotionally abuse their wives, society accepts it, largely seeing it as a woman’s bad luck and fate, because it is a halal relationship.

Women are told to submit, forgive and avoid making their husbands angry for the sake of moral values, religion or children. Recently society’s schism was exposed because of a shocking murder. When a “liberal” (partying/drugs/alcohol) man killed a female friend, society rose up in anger, he with his parents and his medical team was sent to jail, then society discussed if the victim was in a halal relationship or not. Social media then turned its hate towards liberal Pakistani women as the ‘symptom’ and ’cause’ of society’s failing moral standards.

I wonder, if the murderer was a zealot, could he have got away with if he blamed it on the woman’s indecency?

Conclusions:

Misogynistic Society resents and hates liberalism while wanting the benefits that modern liberty provides, such as equal rights to travel, income, citizenship and jobs.

It forgives male anger and violence but hates women’s anger at being exploited, denied justice, and human rights.

Society idealizes “innocent” women but fails to protect them from exploitation, turning them into martyrs, victims or activists for change.

Society confuses family values with male power, whereas in truth women are far more likely to choose family values because of their genetic wiring.

But male narcissism has invented a fabulous system where men are allowed to choose any woman, even while married to someone else. The tragedy is how many women think that their love can change a man’s genetic narcissism.