Empaths have to be careful, because they internalize trauma very quickly, often affected more deeply than they may tell thus getting assimilated into other people’s wishes.
There is a lot of bad therapy out there and a lot of desperate people. In the pandemic we are all in a mental or physical prison,. The BC government has minimal protection on mental health and multicultural counselling barely exists as a phrase, let alone a normal part of conversations.. Because Canada lets people immigrate without a plan on how to integrate them, there are many confused people who have no well wishers, friends or family to advise them. When I migrated, I was terrified of my future.
I would ask, What was the meaning of life, and how to align with my values.
What started out as curiosity., led me to a Homeopath in Port Moody. Well, reason being that my health wasn’t good and I’d heard that Homeopathy could help. The woman had no scruples, no boundaries and thus began a mind fuck like no other. I projected all my dreams of working with a spiritual guru on to her. She resembled my mother, and that made me trust her. I now think back and realize that there was always a little voice observing inconsistencies in a person who appeared to be all heart. But was actually all wallet. If I ever questioned her, I felt guilty, because it meant that I was projecting my mother issues on her. She had me metaphorically nailed to a cross. I was trapped in a spider’s web of deceit and delusions that kept getting worse. There was no escape from her insidious influence and she took no responsibility for whatever she did. Everything that ever went wrong because of her remedies was my fault. When one of the remedies produced a big lump on my head, she got angry at me. She was and is a narcissist. She was just like my ex. And she betrayed me in ways that only someone who knew me very well could do. Over two years she helped me to get rid of my house, my job, my mental health and my family support. In five years I no longer had any hope. And that was therapy. The reason it could happen is because British Columbia does not regulate alternative health and/or homeopathy or counselling. Her association did not even have an ethics code. However, this woman would talk about ethics all the time. Any ethics code dictates boundaries between clients and doctors. But this woman had none. She took over my life, my son and my future. Getting rid of her from my mind was the most difficult thing I have ever done. Nearly every thought would filter through the screen of ’what would lucy dementor say?’.
It is a miracle that I survived. I understand that the fault was mine. I was in North America. I was a single brown woman who was extremely naive and gullible. I was prey for predators and I attracted energy vampires and predators like a beacon. It wasn’t the first time. It wasn’t the last. The most insidious and horrible thing about it was that she was supposedly helping me with the trauma of my marriage. But she was exactly like the sexual predator I had married, she preyed on the emotions and loneliness of her victim. My house was sold under market value, because Lucy Dementor thought it was time for me to give it up. That was how badly dependent I had become on this woman. She must have given me 130 remedies….and I was so confused—like Alice, I was in world where up was down and down was up. Welcome to classical homeopathy as per Lucy Dementor.
The universe needed to give me the lesson of influence several several several times before I started to glimmer the truth. I must be the stupidest woman ever. And to this day, it takes active training not to instantly go all out to help someone who seems to need it. To this day, I get regularly used because someone has a tragic life issue. I wake up some weeks, months or years later to realize o dear, I was played. Avoiding people doesn’t really help but it is one big step to reduce these instances. Recently I was able to save myself, extracting myself from the web of manipualtion,, because after some ‘energy treatments’ I started to get flashbacks of the time with Lucy. They were so persistent and they made sleep so difficult that eventually I broke down and ended the connection. However, I have yet to end the obligation to buy products from an essential oil company to help support her. I am not sure why I feel obligated to her, when clearly all she ever wanted was to make sure I stayed under her thumb.
What. I thought was a spiritual awakening, was actually a self abandonment. I felt as if my family, my country, my friends had abandoned me and all I had to cling to was hope itself. I thought that by helping others I’d be in service to a higher purpose. Factually speaking, I lost everything at the hands of Lucy Dementor and so the idea of me giving anything when I had nothing was preposterous. A failure of math. But I didn’t see it that way. In a state of awakening awareness, one sees the truth about all living beings. Everything looked like love. To give was to receive. I was used over and over and over again. Women, used my skills to get jobs, buy houses, find men, find lost objects, heal their health issues. But afterwards, they would deny that I had anything to do with it.
They’d call me in a panic, and end the call in calm. But to them that was worth nothing. The accuracy of my insights meant nothing. My energy meant nothing. If they saw me succeeding they were jealous. If they say me failing, they would retreat. I felt completely violated and abandoned. but the experience at the core of me remained unaltered, regardless of any healing. In a normal week, I was trying to find lottery numbers for a friend, a boyfriend for someone else, resolve court cases for another. My guides worked and worked. One day my family’s questions started to haunt me. I had left them all to find God, and God was mean. God undermined. God denied my contribution. God was just like all the people I knew. They took what they wanted and then pretended I had nothing to do with it. If my clients were appreciative, their husbands or their parents hated how they turned to me for advice.
Regardless of how I was treated, I was good at my job —bringing light and hope in dark and desperate places.. The problem with working with people’s subconscious is how easily they forget once they have what they want.. Despite my acts of service for these people, it was not enough to earn me respect or a decent living. I still didn’t get it. I still kept trying to be spiritually and emotionally perfect, as if that would mean that I am treated with respect.
Whereas the truth was that people were ashamed of the need to see a therapist. I was part of their shamed self. I was part of their problem, not their solution. Of course everyone wasn’t like that. There were enough people who valued what I was giving them, a space to process emotions. Their emotions. A chance to love their naked self, that raw, unhappy, desperate insecure self that they spend so much on trying to hide. But these were few and far between.
I knew I had to change something. I had to stop letting narcissism devalue me. But that was easier said than done.
There are times I look in the mirror and I hate what Lucy Dementor did to me. I hate how vulnerable I became. I hate remembering the sound of my voice when I was in fawn stress response around these people. Talking too much. over sharing. desperately silencing the little voice that would try to warn me… I hate what she did to me, but the person I find hardest to forgive is myself. I study stockholm syndrome and unashamedly cry for myself some days and other days I feel self loathing and regret.
Behind The Veil 