Never ever stop doing something just because people tell you not to. The doorway of the heart is guarded by Laziness, Doubt, Malice, Jealousy, Avarice, Hatred, Fear, Humiliation, Temptation and Grief. You have to defeat them to walk into the garden of paradise. They are false dragons and they are mired in non-truth, therefore they can be defeated by the adroit warrior:).

1.  If you do what you want than you are irresponsible, immoral,  poor and unable to take care of your responsibilities.  “You are going to lie to people about god! I could have done this, but I didn’t. It won’t make money. I have family that is why I don’t do it.” (you are not me, bless you for your sense of responsibility)

2. You can’t be spiritual. God won’t like it. You will go to hell (that’s god’s problem, not yours)

3. You should do this, it means you will be less than us. You will lose status (who wants status at the cost of love)

4.  “People will think you are a witch”. You will be rejected from normal society. (normal society is pretty dysfunctional).

5.  Men won’t date you. (who wants men like that?)

6.  Everybody does it. “I already know everything, because I did it before you did it. You can’t tell me anything I don’t know.” (sorry to see you aren’t ready to heal with my help, but wish you the best in the journey).

7. You could get a job in a nice consulting company, you are smart and confident. Why struggle? (who wants to work for jerks?)

8. Nobody believes you. They believe men, not women. (Those are not my audience)

9. I will test you to see if anything that you say works. Does it work? (you are in charge of your own healing)

10. Give me free help. Because I think all this stuff is nonsense, you have to prove it. (Even machines cost money. I need to live)

11. I don’t appreciate your help. You are not good enough. I will go to someone well known and successful. (Your choice)

12. It is too much work! (Take a break)

Then there are the angels who come from nowhere and help on the path. They are numerous and they make my heart burst with love. Their love and support makes me carry on listening to spirit, undaunted by a few pesky monsters:). 

A few monsters aren’t worth giving up on the heart’s deepest truth and desires.

🙂

My attachment to my grandmother’s things is not really about the thing as much it is to my past. Healing my relationship with nature meant healing my relationship with myself. In truth nature and human is one and there is a need to heal emotional trauma in order to create a harmonious relationship with nature–as the native Canadians knew.

As I sorted through my stuff that I am donating, I came across my grandmother’s hand knitted spread, then there was a pillow case she embroidered and her beautiful black velvet wrap.

When I was a child my grandmother would often talk about her beautiful home and nice things that were left behind in India. She’d talk about her childhood home, her library and her life of creativity and music that were lost in India, because of the partition. My grandmother never bought into the idea that Muslims can’t live with Hindus. She heartily disliked the increasing Islamism and she found the whole idea preposterous and hypocritical.

My grandmother had an incredible presence. She was so confident that she could easily intimidate and humble a General. She could say whatever she thought to anyone and get away with it. She ruled her domain like a Queen. Highly artistic, she could create crafts that could be put in a museum. Her embroidery, knitting, cooking and gardening abilities were in a category of their own marked beyond excellence.  Yet, my grandmother had a dark side. She suffered from mental illness. I’ve wondered if her illness could be called bipolar. She had abusive and obsessive tendencies. She was obese because food was her addiction to cope with severe depression. She cried often about the loss of her childhood and being made a mother far too young.

I was a little child when my grandmother moved in with my mother. I was her friend, confidante and therapist all rolled into one — I was only 10 years old. I think my grandmother was a creative genius who had never found her true calling.

She taught me Ghalib’s poetry, philosophy, Urdu and cooking. She also taught me Mirabai’s bhajans and she triggered most of my knowledge and interest in Hinduism. My grandmother was also very spiritual in her belief system.  When I go through the dark days, when I feel as if there is nothing here for me, I talk to my grandmother. knowing that there is someone who understands my pain, who often visits me in spirit and helps me go through my life.

I couldn’t compromise ultimately–it was either be or not be, regardless of the world. I think a big reason for it was watching my grandmother’s suffering as this highly gifted person struggled with mental illness. I don’t know why things were so complicated in her world. I’m not sure why she had to live like royalty and make my aunt a virtual servant who waited on her hand and foot. Maybe the loss of her own mother at a young age triggered her problems. She was however never treated for spiritual or mental illness, she was treated for heart disease and diabetes because of obesity, but never for the root cause.

As I trained in my healing work, I’d often wonder what if my grandmother had found support? what if she had been healed? as a little girl, I was aware of her pain, I’d go make all kinds of concoctions from the garden to put on her feet and legs. My grandmother had a severe disturbance in the root chakra==this is the sense of connection to the mother and her terrible grief about the loss of her mother never left her. In my life, I saw myself repeat that pattern, even though my mother was very much there, I constantly feared for her loss and my time in Canada has been full of grief because of being apart from my mother. As I healed this karmic issue, I felt that my grandmother whose life story is part of my DNA, heaves a sigh of relief, as if she can finally let go of the suffering caused by the loss of her mother. One karmic debt can be struck off my list of chores for this lifetime:).

Despite the fact that my family is from India and that is the most spiritual place in the world where people travel from all over the world for pilgrimage, and she was exposed to the concepts of Ayurveda where the root cause is always spiritual, my grandmother was ‘modern’. She’d say that finding real spiritual healers was too difficult in modern times. Her personal experience of watching her mother die because of leeching wrongly administered after childbirth made her a firm believer in Western medicine. She respected western knowledge more than the old ways. This is the generation that first saw the benefits of vaccines and she relied on and believed in ‘medical science’.  In her world view ‘taking care of yourself’ was unheard of. Others took care of you and your doctor did the rest. Food and exercise were done for enjoyment not for health.  I don’t think my grandmother spent a single day alone. She never drove, carried stuff or worked without assistance of some sort.

As a child I saw women as caregivers but also very needy themselves. They gave time, but their needs were taken care of by the husbands, fathers and brothers. People didn’t question this arrangement. In a strange way–even though this was a privileged arrangement, and being on one’s own is difficult financially and emotionally, my heart would sink at the thought of not living my life as me. I wouldn’t voice this concern because it was unthinkable in the world I come from for a woman to live alone. She must have support and protection. There’s always a price to be paid for that support…and the price was housework and care of the family plus everything else that you are doing for your self esteem and desire for nice stuff in the modern context.

I chose my own husband, but the real responsibility and tasks of the marriage of the relationship fell to me. A husband is like a wrap around a woman’s life that had to be kept there, because otherwise she wouldn’t be safe. In that world, the true responsibility of the woman stays with the parents and the husband is often like a drone.

Never mind that the ‘protector’ was abusive. But that’s bad luck, not a social problem. I was unhappy and stuffed down my emotions with illness. When I heard that there is another way and that way would mean no more antibiotics and steroids-which really had stopped working, I took to it with total commitment. I wanted so badly to be healthy that I took to yoga, meditation, natural eating, homeopathy with a passion. If it meant living in a monastery I was ok with it. But most of all, I was willing to feel. I could cry. I felt abandonment, pain, suffering and fear but my physical diseases left me as I allowed my emotional pain to surface. Behind all this pain there was something else — it was a divine unconditional love that was still a part of my DNA. It was untarnished and my healing was like polishing a mirror that had become dirty over time.

The world that had made me sick was pretty dysfunctional, but that was normal. Normal life tends to break a lot of people’s hearts.

When I moved to Canada, I wanted to close the door on that world with its sense of ‘ethics’. I wanted to shut out the world of my childhood, adulthood and motherhood and all the rest of the things that I was taught were normal. I wanted to make my own world that doesn’t have anything from the past. Nothing. But it didn’t work. That world sat under the surface like an iceberg that poked holes in my boat.

The problem with shutting doors is that they need locks and no matter how much you hide the door, it is always there, exerting a silent and awful influence that drains me.

Shutting that door and padlocking it didn’t really work beyond a certain time, because these people aren’t in my stuff from Pakistan, they aren’t in my email or facebook, they are in my head and in my heart.

Recently, I opened the door, I cleaned, I swept, I sorted. I loved. I cried. I am letting it go. I must have come a long way, because as I cry the love surfaces to fill me with joy in the vacuum that is left behind from letting go. I am not my family. I am me.

I’d love to talk about this with the other family members. But I don’t know if they are ready to heal. Healing means being vulnerable….it is about taking the risk to feel….hurt, angry, sad and then to let that go.

Attachment to things is about attachment to pain.

There is no scarcity on the planet. Just greedy people who want to take things for themselves

Mother Earth doesn’t agree that there isn’t enough for everyone on the planet. Her reaction to my suggestion that things are scarce is appalled shock.  Look at the abundance, diversity and plain incredibleness of all the things on the planet. The problem–she says– is that humans have created a world where it pays to be stupid.

People actually cut down trees–huge trees that it takes decades to grow to make ugly houses that are full of synthetic materials that cannot be biodegraded. This isn’t science. This is ignorance and greed. People get salaries for doing work that harms the future. It isn’t logical or smart. It is just what it is–a bit stupid.

It pays to sell stuff without a recycling plan. For example, when you buy a car, there is no attempt to make you aware of its eco cost. When you shop in the Dollar store or Walmart or any huge massive  store for stuff that you will hate within a year, there is no accounting for the cost of garbage to the planet and to society. Forget accounting, there is no thought about the planet or the impact on the future.

It is stupid, insane and reckless. It makes people behave selfishly, greedily and heartlessly. And that pays. There is no heart in the path of consumerism except at Christmas time when missionaries raise funds to convert more brown people to Christianity,

Stores these days charge for bags and some offer  recycling bins on the sides. It is more ‘cost effective’ to set up huge food plants and drive the food to different grocery outlets rather than local producers grow the food and supply it. In truth it isn’t about cost effectiveness at all. Local farmers are more than capable of growing and supplying vegetables, canning food and milk and supplying it to stores in their 20 mile radius. But it would mean legislation that protects our food from US producers i.e., corporations. North American Free Trade Agreement also known as ‘Corporations will win’ works constantly against economic independence from US interests.

The severe under reported under employment and unemployment problem that Canada faces would disappear if local businesses were supported by the federal government.

But they don’t do it. Because they aren’t truly representative of Canadian people. They are representatives of US corporations.

There is no scarcity on the planet. Just greedy people who want to take things for themselves.

I guess the real question that people have to ask in these months leading up to election is if they want to work for a living or just enjoy the benefits of the exchange rate parity by siding along with USA. I think that path is scary for a few different reasons. Firstly, there is no guarantee that US will succeed in controlling the oil supply or the middle east. That situation could blow up in their face. Literally. Secondly, ethics and justice. It is unethical to side with war. This idea made Canada a peaceful and inclusive haven for all. Thirdly, the planet can’t take the cost of greed and stupidity.

What can you do?

Say no to irresponsible consumerism. Instead of driving to the mall, donate your time to the homeless. Find people that you can have deep and delightful conversations with. Instead of buying land, go and donate some time and care to people in your community who need attention. You won’t get ‘rich’ doing this versus devoting yourself to a corporate career of making money as a goal in itself, but you will have the chance to be grateful for what you have rather than comparing yourself to the Jones’s and how far they are versus you.

Gratitude according to Mother Earth is the single ‘force’ of justice that is required to right the balance and shift people’s thinking from scarcity to abundance and then to service.

My banker friends will ask, but how can thinking change things? somebody has to ‘do’ not talk How can you create an instrument that’s neither debt nor equity? how can you make a bond out of gratitude. How do you sell it?

You don’t. There are some things that are not meant to be traded. Land and other natural resources are meant to be shared equitably and not owned.

Then there is the other question, are you talking about Islamic banking? No I am not.  I am talking about actually working as if the Earth mattered. As if our work was about making other humans happier. As if our job was to serve others and not dominate them. As if each of us mattered in a bigger scheme of things.

Imagine abundance.

Blog entry April 10th, 2015

Ever since I posted on facebook on my birthday that I feel inspired to start a pilgrimage for Earth Healing…it has been interesting to say the least.

People have reached out with offers right away… house sitting and all kinds of possibilities surfaced to support the project as a conceptual art project. I feel so grateful and blessed:)

I’ve finally shared ‘Conversations with Mother Earth’ on my website. I’ve had a conversation or two with a couple of family members who were mostly silent about my project, other than the comment that you will now live in a car or the comment that you will be homeless.

I talked to a musician who lives a minimalist lifestyle. People have pinged me and asked me to travel to their homes and live with them for a while—those offers have come from people who know me from childhood and in whose cultures long term visitors is normal…. Pakistani friends and friends of the family, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so glad that despite moving to a different part of the world, the whole idea of gifting what you have to someone else is alive and well

When I suggested I’d pay $600/- for a room several people contacted me—who had an extra room and wanted a room mate or some extra money (the going rate for a shared room is $600/).

I guess money isn’t losing any value any time soon. As long as people believe in it—that’s what we will have to use…never mind that this currency is controlled by a few people who have absolutely no sense of responsibility towards anyone except a few corporations.

Then there are my long term friends who live in a forest—they’d be happy to give us a space to live—though leaky and cold, their hospitality is warm.

One friend was specially generous and gave several thousand dollars to me as my back up support as I carry out this pilgrimage.

I wonder if I am now, ‘un-bankable’. Un-bankable is someone who is now no longer part of the system of money and exchange—the normal system that is also fast killing the planet and our food. I guess not. I still have some money.

I ask myself is it too late to be an activist? I am in my forties—isn’t this the time you get serious about work and ‘save-up’ for a sickness ridden retirement stemming from the frustration of never really having lived your life?

How long can I do this pilgrimage?

Someone asked me, will you now live in a car?

Even though I planned to set off–I haven’t honestly thought about how I will live. That question seems like a great solution to me. I do wonder about hobos or some such bugging me in parking lots. I have definitely got enough socks and blankets to wrap myself up well.

My son will have a place to live—thank goodness—I was more worried about him then myself. He is pretty talented and I don’t think he will ever lack for food.

Why am I putting myself through this?

For an answer to this you will have to read my book , ‘Conversations with Mother Earth.” I am an empath and psychic medium. Unlike a lot of people, I can’t seem to shut out the knowledge that the earth is dying. ‘Hello, don’t u see it? That’s our food, air, water and livelihood dying because we can’t seem to balance our relationship with Mother Earth?’

For the last several years I’ve lived an unusual life. Instead of a nice job, I’ve opted to be self-employed…and live a fairly minimalist life for many reasons, but the most important reason was the knowing that I would be better served healing and helping people cope with the great shift that is happening right now.

On the surface things seem just the same as 10 years ago when climate change became apparent, but have you ever lived in a forest? Then you’d know that things get very quiet—just before they become very crazy. So, as a society we are in the quiet denial phase…we’ve been there for a while…apart from celebrities who can ‘afford to’ make statements about climate change or young activists who need to position their resumes, the rest of the world lives in denial.

Even though people say how much they care, their actions are the opposite.

“As long as I get whatever I want, I am an environmentalist…..’’ “First I’ll get rich, then when I retire I’ll have enough.”

Is there no way to tone down the madness of consumerism? Is there no way to rethink the current banking and monetary system and come up with an alternative system of exchange?

Is there no way to stop using plastic and just ban it?

Is there no to stop the construction of huge mansion like houses where only 2 people live? Is there no way to stop importing plastic junk from China?

Is there no way to clean up the oceans? Is there no way to stop living this lethargic life stuck in front of a computer all day and night in service of the rape of the planet?

Surely, there is another way.

 

I agree with you that a woman dressed in veils and in a huge cloak is not free.

It is an embarrassment for Canada, that there are people here who don’t fall in with the idea that freedom means showing your face and hair.

Free god from the hegemony of the wise
let me be stupid
let me find out for myself
I don’t want to be told how to pray
how to think or what the truth is

This is what I hear, see and know when I go into meditation.

Who am I?

I am an energy that is acting and behaving as this person for a short while. I am an actor playing my own role.

Who is god?

I don’t know

What is god?

God is love

Is god here?

Yes

Where will I go when I die?

Nowhere. I will become potential and unite again with the ocean.

Is there reincarnation?

Will I be born again?

Yes. I am in school

What is the purpose and objective of the school?

The objective of the school is to remember who you are. The purpose is to find love. God is love, so the purpose is to find god.

Is the love of god spiritual love?

No, love is love. Love of god can be as passionate and romantic as love of human beings.

What is the difference between romantic love and spiritual love?

In one there is lack, in the other, there is greater fulfillment for some.

It depends on each individual what fulfills them.

Does one have to be in a relationship to find god?

No. God is love and love is here everywhere.

Does one have to give up relationships to find god or have a relationship with god?

The relationship with god is the relationship you have to yourself…because your enduring, eternal true self is part of god. It is the primary relationship, far deeper and greater than even the relationship you had with your mother or father.

When people harm us, hurt us instead of loving us, what does it mean?

It means ignorance. Few choose to hurt deliberately, most think that they are hurt and therefore justified in hurting another person. It helps to remember that people are doing the best they can from their level of understanding. It helps to remember that you are eternal and stronger than any hurt ever done to you. You have power, no matter how bad you feel about yourself.

Which kind of religion is ok?

The one that helps you have faith. Faith isn’t the same thing as religion. Religion should help you to have faith, but it should not be a substitute for faith. religion is about building a community based on common values rather than connecting to god. If you are practicing religion to have community, then it is not about enlightenment but about survival and belonging. These are human problems and often religion is used to resolve them. That is purpose of religion, but it will only take you this far. After this, if you are ready, you will be taken further.

What is the relationship between survival and spiritual enlightenment?.

Without survival you can’t have enlightenment. Without enlightenment you can have survival but not happiness.

What is enlightenment?

Enlightenment is what the word suggestions in many ways. To see yourself as light, to be suffused with light. To have a moment whereupon mind body and spirit become one. Enlightenment is a state of true seeing.

Why is it so hard to let go of the senses?

I could ask why is it so hard to let go of the state of nirvana or ecstacy?

Senses or no senses can both be additions. It is hard to awaken back to regular consciousness. Some people like to escapte the senses and others like to stay in the senses. It depends on what they are here to do.

Is yoga a way to reunite with the ocean of awareness ?

Yes, if practiced with the intention. Intention is most important.